Lana's note

My little note will be closed for a while. =[ 

I remember when I was little I asked my dad,

“How should a person live?” He answered, “With honesty.” And now, as I think, dad was right. Most problems in our life seem to arise from dishonesty.

After the lesson which I should have learned so much earlier.

So last month I had this one hell of a surgery and this note about how I was feeling was made three days after the surgery:

“No food, no drink for 36 hours, sore throat caused by oxygen mask, poked by needles, no head movement for ~10 hours„„ I’ve never ever experienced any of these before. That night after the surgery, I knew that tears would make everything only worse. So I just prayed, lay still and fought with my pain. I could see my dad, sitting next to me, worried, weary and exhausted. It was more ‘painful’ to see my close one being in such condition than to have some physical pain. I knew crying would make him only worried more. The beeping sound of the intensive care unit monitor got sometimes really loud, sometimes really quiet, sometimes really high, sometimes really low, like it was teasing me. Probably it was because I was half-conscious. I felt like I was falling down with my hospital bed from a very high place. I felt like I was going insane. But I knew it would not last forever. So I tried to clear my mind and fall asleep. But after when I finally started to sleep I had nightmares. Extremely disturbing images were spinning in my unconscious or conscious mind…I am not even sure.”

That was it. I was still not able to walk normally by myself then. So I might fell asleep while I was writing it.

But I got better faster than I expected. =] And now I’m walking, eating, sleeping, talking, laughing without any problems. And that is the real happiness which we always take for granted.

Dear God,

I hope and pray You’ve taken my beloved Grandpa to your place where the eternal peace is.

Christmas

is not widely celebrated in Mongolia which is quite sad for me. But, yeah, I managed to celebrate it in three different places! ;)